Komui's Chocolate Factory
by usagi-strike
Summary: BEWARE, YE HOMOPHOBIC AND CHASTE OF HEART; HERE BE EROTIC YAOI AND BL. So... Lavi is one of five lucky winners who gets to tour the mysterious Black Order run by the obscure chocolatier—and possible drug lord?—Komui Lee. But... it seems the eccentric man wants to taste something other than sweet chocolate? Strange yaoi pairing.
1. You've Been Invited!

**CHAPTER 1**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OC (Kumori).**

**these count as line breaks →OxO**

You've Been Invited…!

As the cold winter winds steeped through the city, the young redhead sneezed, wrapping his orange scarf tighter around his neck as bigger dollops of snow fell around him in a silent haze. In front of him, the solid black gates of the mysterious Komui's even more obscure chocolate factory rose up before him, dark and forbidding.

"Oi, Jiijii…"

The short old man in black with the long ponytail and strange black patches around his eyes turned a cold eye on his grandson. "What is it?"

"I-Is this really worth it?" the redhead asked, staggering into a mound of snow when a stray snowball flew and hit him in the back of the head. With a sigh, he looked up and found a petite, pink-haired girl towering over him in a thin, flimsy black dress, despite the cold weather. He blinked. She had strange eyes, amber.

"Gomen ne!" she giggled. He blushed when she gave him a peck on the cheek and a pat on the head. "Okay now?"

"Uh, yeah…"

"Kumori." The girl turned around and smiled when another redhead—this one _several_ years older than him and more impressively dressed than he could ever be—beckoned her over with one gloved hand.

"Coming, Neah-sama!" the girl trilled, giving him one last kiss—on the forehead this time—before prancing away. He grinned and raised a hand to his face, where it was still warm from the girl's kiss. She was actually pretty cute.

"Wipe that idiotic look off your face, Lavi, and get up."

"Alright, alright," Lavi chortled, standing up and brushing flecks of snow off his fraying black coat. He exhaled, stomach grumbling in response to the loud, clearly audible chewing of the white-haired glutton to his left. With a petulant glare, Lavi turned to stare accusingly at the plainly-dressed teenage boy, who was so engrossed in his meal that he didn't even notice the death glare. His guardian, though—a scary-looking clown in a frilly, baggy pink and white outfit and a ball and a sad, enigmatic expression attached to his head—gave Lavi a smile, and the young redhead turned away with a shudder.

He didn't like clowns.

"The contest was for kids, wasn't it, Bookman?" Lavi asked, hopping from one foot to the other. He had to keep up circulation. "So why're we here?"

"The 'teen' at the end of your age obviously identifies you as a child, Lavi," Bookman replied, shaking his head. "And even if it didn't, your personality alone would qualify you."

"N-Not true!" Lavi retorted, pouting. He frowned when his stomach grumbled again. Loudly. With a shake of his head, Lavi patted his stomach. "It's okay, Deak," he sighed. "We'll get somethin' to eat later…"

"Do you want a lollipop?" Lavi turned around and found himself face-to-face with another petite girl, this one with purple hair and blue eyes. Like the other girl, though, she had on only a white button-up shirt and a pleated pink skirt. A schoolgirl's outfit, though she and the little pink pixie seemed to be around the same age.

He looked at the pink lollipop she proffered to him and smiled. "Thanks—"

"Pffft, as if I'd actually _give_ it to you!" she cackled, whipping it out of his grasp. "Get your own, street rat!"

"Road-chan, don't antagonize the boy~ **‹**3" a tall, rotund man playfully chided, walking over with a strange pink and orange pumpkin umbrella swinging from his outstretched arm. Lavi shuddered. Another creepy clown.

As if hearing this unspoken thought, the round fat man turned his bespectacled gaze on Lavi, who flushed and looked away.

"But Millenie, it's _fun_," Road giggled, smirking at Lavi as they walked past him to the other pair. Lavi frowned and stuck his cold hands under his armpits. It was only at Bookman's sigh that Lavi finally looked over at his grandfather.

"What is it?" he muttered defensively.

"You've still much to learn bout the world" was his only reply. Lavi snorted. His grandfather the panda, as cryptic as ever.

Sighing, Lavi stuck his right hand into his pocket, fumbling around for a few minutes before he smiled and brought out a black… thing. It looked like something called a "golem" he'd seen in this fantastical little illustration book he'd, surprisingly enough, found in the old panda's battered brown chest. Glancing at it curiously, he hesitated only a moment before taking a cursory bite of the thing, immediately wishing he hadn't when his teeth started aching and a strange metallic tang clung to his tongue.

"What the—" With a growl, he threw the golden snitch to the ground, wiping his hand repeatedly across his mouth. Lavi glanced up when Bookman started coughing into his hand.

"Well, can't blame me for tryin'," Lavi muttered. "I mean, the guy makes chocolate, Jiijiii—" The rest of his reply was lost in a sudden stream of curses. Blinking, Lavi owlishly glanced around for the source of such colorful language. He blanched when he saw a beautiful young man with porcelain, doll-like features and long blue hair tied back in a ponytail barreling towards him with a gleaming _sword_ in hand.

"Holy—!" Lavi dove into the snow mound once again, rejecting decapitation for suffocation as the white fluff heaped itself into his mouth. With a sputter, Lavi broke through to the surface, ogling in disbelief when the blue-haired young man threw himself at the black gates with a ferocity that belonged in some African zoo or safari.

Lavi stared as a bespectacled, middle-aged man with a strange puff of brown hair and an even stranger sack of art tools strapped to his back tried to disengage the blue-haired youth.

"Yuu-kun, please, try not to damage others' property!"

"Don't call me that!" Yuu snarled, hacking away with wanton abandon. "Besides, if he didn't want damaged shit, he should've just opened up the damn doors instead of wasting everyone's time!"

"Mite, mite!" Lavi looked around and gawked, watching in astonishment as the pink-haired girl Kumori's golem—hers was as pink as her hair—hummed to life and, with a great big whirring noise, took off out of her hands and into the air. From the other cries of amazement and wonder sounding out around him, theirs were doing the same.

With mounting curiosity, Lavi turned around, his eyes picking apart the snow for a glimpse of _his_ golem. He got a real good close-up when it flew straight into his face, screeching unintelligibly at him, though its teary eye and growing lump were enough to let him guess.

"Hah, sorry bout that," he chuckled, batting the thing away from his face. The little thing responded by shooting him right in the eye with a great burst of light.

"Gaaah, what the—!"

"Hello there!" a tinny voice called out from the golem, the greeting echoing loudly as the other golems reiterated the message to their respective owners. Taking a great step back, Lavi realized that the light was a projection, one that showed a very familiar face, one that was on several store shop fronts and most-wanted lists.

"Let me first congratulate you! On having found these golem's in my little snacks, you've been invited! You're extremely lucky, since there were only five that were accident—er, released to the public. They'll be your key to entering my factory; only those who have one—or have been invited by one who does—will be able to enter and tour the Black Order with me, Komui Lee, the creator of the Black Order, largest chocolate manufacturing workshop in the world!

"Now, don't forget to bring those golems along with you when you come in!" And with that last perky reply, the projection fizzled away. Lavi blinked at the golem for a moment, poking it to make sure it wa completely done.

"Uh… What now?" Lavi turned to look at the white glutton, who'd stopped eating long enough to ask.

"Isn't it obvious, stupid Moyashi?" Yuu snapped, glaring at the offending figure, who puffed up indignantly.

"What's a—? The name's _Allen!_"

"As if I care?" the blue-haired young man derisively snorted, turning away to glare at the black gates of the Order again. "We have to find a way to get inside, since the damn bastard isn't gonna open the door for us."

"Millenie, do something about it!" Road pouted.

"Something soon will occur in our favor, Road-chan~ **‹**3" the fat man replied, and Road petulantly sucked on her pink lollipop.

Lavi's eyes closed in on the bright blob of pink as it moved to the front of the fray. "Ne, Nea-sama, d'ya think we can just climb the fence?" the petite asked, gripping the black bars in her hand as she peered up at the factory belching colorful smoke in the distance.

"It'd be best not to try that," the person called Nea replied, nodding his head at something in the factory courtyard. Curious, they all turned to look. Just past the black gates, slinking stealthily across the snow—though how it'd managed that so far was a mystery since its red fur was a dead giveaway—was a rabbit. How it'd gotten there was unknown, but no one could deny the fact that it was most definitely _there_.

There was a snort of laughter at his side, and Lavi turned to give Bookman a curious look before his eyes darted back to the rabbit, which had stopped. Its beige-colored nose sniffed the air, as if sensing some disturbance that its eyes—and the eyes of tis observers—had yet to pick up.

They all bent forward in anticipation, their eyes widened to its fullest length so as not to miss anything. There was a moment of silence, and then—

The snow burst forth in a shower of silver and blue.

The observers started, all their mouths slightly ajar as a hulking metal being with a white beret strangely placed atop is metallic head peered down at the red rabbit, which was quivering at its feet, its fear having immobilized it for the moment.

"UNAUTHORIZED ENTRY," the being intoned, pointing one metallic arm at the shivering little omnivore. "UNAUTHORIZED ENTRY WILL RESULT IN PAINFUL REMOVAL FROM THE PREMISES." They all jumped when the adorable red rabbit was suddenly blasted off the face of the earth in the blink of an eye in a blaze of blood and gore.

The silence lasted a mere second before being broken, though not in the way Lavi had anticipated.

"Hah, Jas and Debi would've loved that!" Road crowed, bending over with laughter.

"O-Oh my…" the white-haired youth murmured, covering his mouth with a gloved hand. "What a waste of good food." Lavi looked at him in disbelief. Did he just say what he think he'd said…?

Lavi's head whipped around in growing revulsion when the air was filled with childish, girly giggles. "Mite, mite!" Kumori trilled, clapping her hands together in delight. "Ne, Nea-sama, doesn't that color look so pretty on the snow?"

_What the fuck kinda place is this?!_ Lavi thought, scooting away from the others in the party. _What kind of freak people are these?_

He glanced at the blue-haired boy, who was silent. At least _he_ was relatively sane, excepting that first bout of mania—

"I can't wait to get inside and test my skills," he smirked, disbanding any illusions Lavi may have further built up in his mind.

"Yuu-kun, do try not to hurt the machines too badly." Lavi gawked. What kind of flaky advise was that for a parent to give their child, even a wanna-be killer?

Before the psychopath could climb the black gate, Lavi grabbed the black golem that had, fortunately, continued in its attack on his person and rushed forward.

"What're you doing?" Road snapped.

"Using my key to the factory!" Lavi retorted, jamming the thing into a small indentation in the black metal.

Nothing happened.

"That was brilliant," Road snorted, pointing her lollipop at him. Lavi flushed and was about to make a cutting remark of his own when a rumbling started up. With a loud pop, the gates were flung wide open, knocking Lavi over into the snow once more.

With a sputter, Lavi surfaced, just in time to see the others pressing their own golems into the indentation before rushing off into the factory courtyard.

"That's nice…" he muttered, brushing himself off once he got to his feet.

"Hurry it up, Lavi," Bookman snapped, glaring at him as he jogged up the open-wide gates. "I could've fathered several generations of future Bookmans in the time it took for you to admire the scenery."

"Alright, alright," he replied, shaking the snow from his red hair. "No needa go into detail bout it, Jiijii." Bookman harrumphed as he walked by, and Lavi beamed in glowing pride when he heard the muttered praise of "Well done".

"Thanks, Jiijii," Lavi muttered, blushing slightly as he ruffled his hair with one hand. He cried out when Bookman knocked him over the head.

"Don't let it get to your head."

"Alright, alright," he chortled, smiling as Bookman shuffled ahead of him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his wizened old face.

**OvO**

**Had this idea while we were watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (the Tim Burton one, obviously) in Photo a few days back, heheh. Hope no one else made a DGM chocolate factory…!**

**Couldn't remember what color his scarf is now, if it's red or orange… it **_**has**_** been orange every time they've changed the uniform, though, hasn't it?**

**Hope the characters matched their new assigned roles~! If not, oh wells, you'll just have to make-do with their OOC counterparts.**


	2. Guidelines and Goodies

**CHAPTER 2**

**I was thinking of ending this fanfic series some time ago, since I looked at the stats and saw that less than ten people had read this, hahah… BUT! I promised myself I wouldn't ever abandon a fanfic like that, so… here we are. Good thing I hadn't, since someone (Juromuro!) followed, and... the views sorta went up? But yeah, forward the ranks and whatnot, wotwot…**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OC (Kumori… and that poor rabbit that died, hahah).**

**OwO**

Guidelines and Goodies

When Lavi entered the Black Order, he saw the other golem owners being regaled by a purple-haired man, barely in his thirties, in a white lab coat, white dress shirt, and white beret. He turned to glance at Lavi through pentagonal glasses with violet eyes when the redhead slammed the door shut.

"I see you've all made it in in one piece, then!" Komui Lee—for it was most _definitely_ the founder and owner of Black Order—amiably declared, giving them all what he thought of as a smile but was in actuality a pained grimace.

"So, what's the prize?" Road asked, giving the man a smile that'd give a Cheshire cat a run for its money.

The man blinked and gave her a bland smile. "You'll find out when you win. Not before." The sugar-sweet smile on her face dissolved into a sullen pout.

"Now then!" He clapped his hands, the innocent smile on his face not diminishing the evil gleam in his eyes in the slightest. "Before we begin the tour, I'd like to give you… _lucky_ winners the guidelines on what to do and not to do so as not to die—of excitement, of course!" He gave them a bright, cheery laugh before coughing into the silence. "Well, I'm sure you're all well aware of who I am and what my reputation is, yes?" Lavi snorted. Only someone who'd been living the past ten years under a rock wouldn't—

Out of the corner of his eye, a slim white hand waved around in the air.

Komui looked at the pink-haired girl, who was jumping up and down. "Er, yes?"

"Kumori!"

The factory owner blinked. "What was that?" He staggered back when the pink-haired pixie threw herself at him, burying her head in his stomach.

Kumori responded with a garbled "Ib Gubomi!" that Lavi took to mean "I'm Kumori" as she gave Komui Lee a bright smile. "Who're you?"

"You mean to say that… you came here without knowing who I am, what I do?"

"Uhn!" she replied, looking up at Komui with bright, sparkly amber eyes and a pink mouth parted in innocent fervor.

"Kumori, I went over this with you, remember?" Nea smoothly chided, stepping forward and slowly disengaging the girl's clingy arms from the man's waist. "This is the person who makes the chocolate you love to eat so much."

"Ne, really? Arigato, Meganekko-chan!"

Kanda let out a short derisive "Che," and Lavi snickered. His laughter trickled away, though, when he felt two heavy, oppressive beams of light center on his head. Fearfully, he looked up and found Komui's glasses glinting furiously at him.

He self-consciously coughed into his hand. "My bad…"

"Now then." Komui pushed his glasses up higher. "Why don't we—"

"Wait, aren't you going to ask _us_ our names too?" a petulant voice rang out. The purple-haired girl—Road—glared at Komui, who merely gave them another bland smile.

"I didn't ask for your names, did I?"

Road snorted. "You're getting them, nonetheless." She jabbed her slopping, half-eaten lollipop at the purple-haired man. "I'm Road Kamelot, the adorable daughter of the illustrious minister Sheril Kamelot and—"

"Ah, sorry, not that interested in you, your nomenclature, _or_ your family genealogy."

"And what about me~ **‹**3?" Komui blinked and turned to look at the tall fat man who'd spoken. Lavi shivered. It seemed like the only expression he was capable of was that creepy grin. "I'm rather interested in the Black Order and see myself as a potential buyer~ **‹**3—"

"Nope. Interested in selling chocolate, not factory shares."

"What a pity~ **‹**3" the man replied, shaking his head in disappointment. _And something else, if that glint in his eyes was any indication_, Lavi thought. He shivered and turned his gaze elsewhere when the man turned to smile at him, as well. His eyes just so happened to land on the glutton, who was furiously thumping his chest.

"A-Are you alright!?" Lavi asked, rushing over. When the boy shook his head, Lavi hurriedly thumped him on the back. He was rewarded with a loud gasp, like that made by a fish out of water, as an enormous jawbreaker fired out of the boy's mouth, nearly braining Lavi as it flew a hairsbreadth from his cheek.

"T-Thanks…" the white-haired boy wheezed.

"No problem." Lavi glanced around to find the creepy pink and white clown who was the glutton's supposed companion. What the hell was he doing that was more important than keeping the kid from asphyxiating on candy?

Lavi scowled when he saw that the Clown 1 was talking to Fancy Pants Nea, but that scowl melted into a limp smile when he saw that Clown 2 was grinning maliciously at him.

A cold, clipped voice, deep and masculine, sounded behind them. "What the fuck is this?"

They both turned to find the blue-haired psychopath glaring at them, a wet glob gripped in one white, tightly-clenched hand. Lavi blinked. His dark blue hair, which had been perfectly straight and pulled back in a ponytail, was undone, and one side—the left half—was slightly mussed and covered in a sticky white substance. A sense of foreboding filled him, and he took a small step back.

"My jawbreaker!" the oblivious white-haired boy exclaimed, smiling. "Thank y—" He blinked when the blue-haired boy whipped the blade away.

"You want it back, Moyashi?" he ground out, glaring at Allen, who merely stared at him as if he were thickheaded.

"Of course, Yuu. And the name is Allen, not Moyashi."

The porcelain man smiled a smile that looked like it foreshadowed grim things, like funerals and mass burials. "Well, Mo-ya-_shi_, if you want it back…" The boy—he actually _did_ look like a beansprout—cried out in distress when Yuu threw the wet mess into the air. "…_then you shouldn't have thrown it at me_."

There was a blur, too fast to be humanly possible, and Lavi gaped as the white jawbreaker fell to the factory floor in splinters and white powder, echoing loudly in the sudden dead silence. He gulped when the dangerous man sheathed his sword. When had he even taken it out?

"Y-You… you idiot, Yuu!"

Lavi took another step back when a vein throbbed in the blue-haired young man's forehead. "It's _Kanda_. Call me Yuu again and I'm gonna slice you, damn Moyashi."

"It's ALLEN, you—"

A lilting, childish voice interrupted him. "Baka!" They all blinked in surprise when Kumori came bounding over, the most surprised being Kanda, since the girl attached herself to him.

"Oi, get _off_—"

"Yuu-chan, why'd you throw the candy away~?" Kumori whined, wrapping her arms and legs around his neck and torso.

Lavi winced and prepared himself for more bloodshed, but instead, Kanda merely scowled. Lavi blinked. Was that… a _blush_ on the samurai's face? "What's it matter to you, chibi?"

"Eh, hidoi yo ne, Yuu-chan!" Kumori pouted, chomping on Kanda's soggy hair.

"Oi, don't mess up my hair!"

"Ish alreagy meshed uhp…"

While he was distracted, Lavi pulled on Allen's arm and led him a safe distance away. He turned around to tell Allen how lucky they were not to get skinned alive by the psycho samurai when he noticed Road, who was staring at them—or, more specifically, _Allen_—with a great deal of interest. He shivered and whispered a small prayer for Allen's soul.

"…and you?"

Lavi turned back to the white-haired boy, who was staring at him expectantly, his right hand—it was disfigured, as if burnt—held out for a handshake. "What?"

"I'm Allen Walker."

"Oh, right. I'm Lavi."

"You don't have a last name?" Allen asked.

"Nope. I—"

"_Now_ then, if you all would be _so kind_ as to lend me your _ears!_"

"Hm, nope, I'm rather partial to them," Lavi chortled, covering his. He got a chuckle from Allen, and he smiled as warmth flooded through his body. His cheeky grin withered away, though, at the impatient eye Komui directed at him. "Sorry. Uh, do go on. Please."

"So glad I could get your permission," replied Komui, his voice dry yet dripping with sarcasm. Giving him another death smile, Komui planted his hands on his hips."Hm, what was I saying, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted…?"

He stopped and stood, one finger tapping away at his chin in mock consternation before a light bulb went off. "Ah, that's right!" He clapped his hands together. "What to do, what to do… well, first off, feel free to eat whatever you want—everything here is edible, even the machinery!"

"Vhy voulrd rou ranna eash ga mazhine?" Kumori asked, still chomping on candy-flavored blue hair from atop Kanda's shoulders.

"Well… because."

"Vecaush ov vhat?"

Komui coughed into his hand. "Because… well, I'd just like to remind you all that, though everything's edible, there are some items that have certain… side effects, like—"

"Side effects?" Allen interrupted. "What—?"

The white-haired boy went silent when the redhead wrapped an arm around his head and buried it in his chest. Lavi turned and gave Komui an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Go on."

Komui's eyes narrowed at Lavi's hands on Allen's lips—his weren't the only ones; out of the corner of his eye, Lavi could make out Road's sullen pout—before going blank, and he turned to the others with another bland smile, though Lavi could tell this one was slightly… forced. "Side effects include nausea, paranoia, deliria, dementia, amnesia, dormia, hornia… No need to worry though! You can usually tell it has a side effect if it's brightly colored, though that isn't always the case. Just remember—you are what you eat!"

"Whash—" Allen finally wrenched Lavi's arm from around him. "What's hornia?"

"Ah, no worries, Allen-kun!" Road exclaimed, prancing over and hugging Allen. Lavi grinded his teeth together when he noted the way she pressed her small, underdeveloped breasts up against the Moyashi. "I can show you, if you want!"

"Road-chan~ **‹**3" Lavi stiffened at the warning note in Clown 2's voice, and he quickly pulled Allen away from the petulant girl.

Road rolled her eyes. "Al-_right_, Millennie." She gave Allen another secretive smile and gave him a husky, whispered "I'll show you _later_" before flouncing back to her creepy caretaker.

The white-haired boy blinked and turned to him. "What does she mean, show?"

Lavi grinned and shook his head. "You'll see eventually, Moyashi."

"Not _you_, too! It's Allen! _A-L-L-E—_"

"Got it, got it, Moyashi!" Lavi chortled, wrapping an arm around the slender boy's shoulders. "C'mon, let's see what else that guy has to say!"

"That guy" in question was forcing a polite expression on his face as Yuu's flaky caretaker nodded his head and waved his arms in emphasis. "…are a great deal more effective for a higher varnish and sheen to the overall quality of the painting."

"I-Is that so…? Well! As much as I'd like to hear more of this interesting topic, I've some, uh… _work_ to attend to!" Lavi snickered as Komui Lee, acclaimed chocolatier and possible drug lord, quickly backed away from the visitors, arms raised in the attempts of a physical barrier. "Yes! Some work in the office!"

The man turned and beamed at them all, his brow twitching ever so slightly when his eyes landed on Lavi, who was still draped over Allen. "I'll be dropping in every now and then, so until then… try not to die—of excitement, of course!" And with a final wave and shower of strangely-colored lollipops, Komui Lee disappeared in an opaque cloud of pastel pink.

**OvO**

**Hornia… not an actual word, but I couldn't think of a word synonymous with "horniness" that ended in "ia" (had same problem with "sleepiness," hence the Spanish version). **


End file.
